


rock it 'til waterfalls

by helorific



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Future Fic, Jack is an awkward nerd, Lapdance, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Shitty and Lardo have a co-bachelor(ette) party because who needs gender norms?, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, drunk!Bitty has the greatest ideas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:05:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6619075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helorific/pseuds/helorific
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> "Oh my Lord," Bitty says. He attempts to kiss Jack on the lips, but he's drunk and his aim is off, so he smacks Jack's chin instead. "Is Jack Zimmerman terrified of strippers?" </i>
</p><p> </p><p>Lardo and Shitty host their bachelor(ette) party at a strip club. Bitty gets drunk and thinks it’s a good idea to give Jack a lap dance to Beyonce's "Rocket."</p>
            </blockquote>





	rock it 'til waterfalls

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this tumblr post](http://helotastic.tumblr.com/post/143144434751/but-what-do-you-think-about-bitty-giving-jack-a). You can listen to Rocket [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAz2bRy8-L8).
> 
> Warning for possible consent issues: one of the characters instigates sex while under the influence of alcohol, but it's nothing that he wouldn't have done sober anyway.

It starts like this: Shitty and Lardo mutually agree to get engaged. 

"Mutually agreed," Shitty keeps repeating at the engagement party. "Because we wanted to, not because I proposed like some fucking patriarchal chauvinist."

Lardo rolls her eyes, but Jack can tell she's secretly pleased, because she pushes Shitty's hair out of his face and kisses him thoroughly to shut him up. There might be tongue. 

Chowder is mortified, but not as mortified as he is a few months later, when Lardo and Shitty decide to throw a combined bachelor(ette) party, strippers and all. 

"I totally respect you and the decisions you make with your body," Chowder blurts as a stripper saunters to their table. 

"Thanks, sweetie," she says, nonplussed. "So, who's the… groom? Wait, is this a bachelor party?" 

"Yes and no," Lardo says. She gestures at Shitty. "Meet my fiancé." 

"Hi," Shitty says, immediately recoiling when the stripper makes her way over to him. "Whoa, wait up. I'm sure you're a great person, but lap dances aren't really my thing." 

"Uh, so who…?" 

"I'm gay," Bitty says unhelpfully. Meanwhile, Ransom and Holster have been stuck together all night, Chowder is so bright red he might burst into flame, and Dex and Nursey are hotly debating the merits of male vs. female strippers. After a moment of awkwardness, Jack gestures at Lardo and tells the stripper, "She's probably your best shot." 

Lardo enjoys her lap dance while Shitty drags Jack to the bar for more drinks. "Brah, I know you're mostly hockey-sexual, but you kinda look like you want to die." 

"I don't understand why people like strip clubs." 

"What's to understand?" Shitty muses. "Boobs, booze, bachelor parties. All the things a bro could want." 

"Not this bro," Jack mutters, just as Bitty arrives to fling himself into Jack's arms. 

"Holster wants to know if y'all are bringing more drinks," Bitty slurs. "Whatcha doin'?" 

"Jack's having a crisis because strippers," Shitty says, as Jack blushes and tries to protest that no, he's fine, he's not embarrassed at all, why would you say that. 

"Oh my Lord," Bitty says. He attempts to kiss Jack on the lips, but he's drunk and his aim is off, so he smacks Jack's chin instead. "Is Jack Zimmerman terrified of strippers?" 

"There's nowhere safe to look," Jack whines miserably. 

Bitty has the audacity to laugh, wiping tears from his eyes as he pulls Jack back to their table. "Oh, sweetheart, I don't mind if you look. Don't get me wrong; I don't get it, but I won't stop you. As long as you're still mine at the end of the day." 

Jack feels himself blush even harder. Bitty seems oblivious. He flops back onto his chair and makes a toast to Lardo and Shitty's happiness. At least, Jack thinks that's what he's saying. The more drunk Bitty gets, the more prominent his accent becomes. 

By the time they make it to their third bar of the night (preceded by two other bars, a male strip club, and the initial female strip club), Bitty's barely upright. Jack's only had one or two beers throughout the night, so when the others invade the dance floor, he's too sober to join in. Eventually, Bitty breaks away from the crowd and slinks over to the edge of the club, where Jack's sitting and nursing a plain soda. 

"Hey, handsome, wanna dance?" 

"Sorry, I have a boyfriend." 

Bitty giggles, honest to God giggles like Jack's said something extremely funny. Jack can't help but smile back. And then Bitty straddles Jack's lap and leans in, licking a stripe across his sweat-sticky collarbone. The smile freezes on Jack's face. "Bitty…" 

"Is this okay?" Bitty whispers, his face inches away. There's alcohol on his breath and Jack can feel him against his stomach, already half-hard. And maybe it's the club lights, but Bitty looks gorgeous and his hair is messy and his lips are just begging to be kissed. So Jack does kiss him. Bitty groans into it and tangles a hand in his dark hair. 

"Still doesn't answer my question, babe," he says, and Jack almost trips over himself in his haste to say yes, yes, of course, anything, always.

From this spot, Bitty's a few inches taller than him, which is the perfect height to gaze down at him with lidded eyes. "I can't stop thinking about what you said at the strip club. That you didn't want to look. Is that because of the stripping, or because none of them were me?" 

Jack swallows, throat suddenly tight. "I don't know." 

"I've got a guess." Bitty's moving, shamelessly rubbing against Jack's erection, which is rapidly tenting his jeans. The music has shifted to something bass-heavy and meandering. Jack thinks it might be Beyoncé, but he's not sure. A moan escapes his lips as Bitty's cock drags against his. He reaches out to grab Bitty's hips, to yank him closer, to seek more of the friction that's overtaking all his senses, but Bitty shakes his head, "Look but don't touch, okay?" 

Jack nods and whimpers. He probably sounds needy, but he doesn't care, because Bitty is sliding his shirt up, reaching to pinch at his own nipple. He throws his head back, blue spotlights glinting off his blond hair, hips never breaking their motion. 

"You're so perfect," Jack says, because maybe he can't touch, but Bitty never said anything about talking. "You're just—god, do you even know what you do to me? I was watching you dance earlier, doing that thing where you shake your ass. Can I eat you out later, please, you gotta let me—" 

"Yes," Bitty exhales. He presses his forehead to Jack's, his breathing shallow and ragged. And then they're kissing sloppily, Bitty slotting his hips against Jack's to the rhythm of the thundering bass. 

Jack comes with Bitty's taste in his mouth, Bitty's weight in his lap, all his senses flooded with Bitty, Bitty, Bitty. 

He opens his eyes and sees Bitty staring down at him, eyes dark and hungry. The music has changed again, and that's when Jack remembers that they're in a club, that they're in public, where anyone can see them. Instead of filling him with panic, it makes him thrum with adrenaline. It doesn't matter anyway; they're in one of the more shadowy corners, and everyone nearby is too wasted or too busy dancing to notice them. 

Bitty moves faster, chasing his own release, until he's basically humping Jack's leg in the middle of a crowded club. He doesn't even complain when Jack cups his ass and drags him closer. 

"Come for me, baby, please," he murmurs into Bitty's ear, and Bitty does, with a choked sob, burying his face in the crook of Jack's shoulder. Jack slides a hand to the back of Bitty's neck and presses kisses to the side of his face. His jeans are sticky and starting to chafe, but he doesn't want to move just yet. 

Bitty digs his hands into Jack's shirt. "Ugh, Shitty will never let us hear the end of this. I promise that when we have our bachelor party, there won't be strippers." 

"Okay," Jack agrees casually, but inside, he's flying. When, not if. When they get married. When they have a bachelor party. He hooks his chin over Bitty's shoulder and does his best not to break out in a goofy smile. "I just need you."

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, I'm sorry, this was fluffier than I intended it to be. I promise, I'll write pure smut one day. Today is not that day. 
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://helorific.tumblr.com/).


End file.
